How the Gloved One Finally Went to Jail
by I'm Gary Coleman
Summary: This is a parody of Hilary Duff and her "tween" fan base. It's about Holly Diff and two girls who decide to put a stop to her undeserving popularity.
1. How they met Yolanda Nimbicle

WARNING: THIS STORY MAY OFFEND SOUTHERNERS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE BEING MADE FUN OF FOR SAYING THINGS LIKE "Y'ALL" DON'T READ ANYMORE. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

_This is my first Fan Fiction, so I know it's not really good. Andrea (My Dog Ate my Penname) and a few of my other friends also helped. Hope you like it, leave a comment if you do, you just hate it, or if you want to take your anger out on me and my story. _

LuLu's Journal, June 21, 2004:

As you probably already know, there is this spoiled little girl named Holly Diff who thinks that she's good at everything. She decided that she's an "excellent" actress and an "amazing" singer, so she pursues that as a career. She lands the lead on a retarded show called "Liza McGire" and then gets a fan-base of girls under the age of ten (the stupid years). So then once her show is about half-way over, she wakes up one day and says "I wanna be a singer today!" and then makes a stupid album that was only bought by her "tween" following.

Well I've had enough of this crap. This spoiled little brat doesn't deserve to get this success. She makes more money than the President! That is just wrong! So I devised a plan to get rid of this girl and give to way better singers and actors to have their time in the spotlight. Holly Diff will be in and out of the spotlight faster than Hanson.

"BUZZ!" went LuLu's alarm at 3:00 AM, bright and early. This was her big day, the start of her adventure to murder Holly Diff. She got dressed, took a shower, and ate breakfast. Then at 4:00 AM she called her good friend FiFi.

LuLu and FiFi both shared a hate for Holly Diff. They had been planning to murder her for quite some time now, and they were very happy that the day had finally arrived. They both also shared a hate for their names. Their philosophy is "those who were named after dogs make nicknames." So LuLu calls herself Emulander (Don't ask, will be explained later) and FiFi calls herself Shananigagger (Same with this one).

"Hey Shani!" Emulander said happily, "Time to go to the train station."

"Jeez, Emu, not everyone gets up at 3:00 AM everyday," Shananigagger said, half-awake. "Can we _please_ take a later train?"

"Fine, there's one at 6:00 AM, we'll take that one, but we'll be way behind schedule."

"I don't care, just _please_ let me sleep!"

"Ok, bye FiFi," Emu hung up the phone. Now she had two hours to kill until that train leaves. She grabbed her trusty backpack and loaded it with snacks, money, her cell phone, and a map. She also grabbed her duffel bag which she had already loaded with clothes, toiletries, etc. the night before.

"This is gonna be a _great_ trip," Emu said to herself. "My dream is finally gonna come true. The Diff will be dead."

She looked at the clock. It was 5:30 AM. "I better leave now," Emu thought. She grabbed her stuff and then walked out the door.

About twenty minutes later, she arrived at the train station. But where was FiFi? "Uh, oh," LuLu said to herself, "We're gonna miss the train!"

At 6:01 AM, Shananigagger arrived at the train station, just like she always does, a minute late. She was dragging a big rolly-luggage bag, and had her dark-brown hair pulled back. She was wearing a long coat and dark sunglasses.

"SHANANIGAGGER!" Emulander yelled, "Why are you late?"

"Uh, I kinda overslept."

"But you already made us miss the 4:00 AM train!"

"Don't worry; I'll get us alternate transportation." Shani sneaked over to a truck, right after the owner went into the station. She high jacked it, and quickly put their stuff in it.

"But Shananigagger, you can't drive," LuLu yelped.

"Well I just figured out how to high jack a truck, so how hard can driving be?" They jumped into the car, and surprisingly, Shani was a pretty good driver.

They drove for a few hours and arrived at Houston, Texas, the Duff's hometown at 5:00 PM. They jumped out of the car and went into a truck-stop diner.

"Ok, just get a burger Shani, and PLEASE make it fast."

"Well _sorry_ that I didn't get up early and have time to eat breakfast."

"Look, this is gonna be a long trip, so I don't wanna ruin it by getting into a fight."

"Ok, fine." They walked into the diner and took a seat in a booth. Then, a slightly overweight middle-aged woman with long blonde hair (which looked like it was dyed with cheap drug-store stuff), walked up to them.

"Hey, ladies I'm Yolanda Nimbicle, your waiter for today. What are y'all gonna be having?"

"Um…I'll just have a Pepsi," Emu said.

"And I'll have a burger, fries, and a chocolate milkshake," said a very hungry Shananigagger.

"Ok, it'll be done in a few minutes," Yolanda said. She walked into the kitchen to place their orders.

"So did you finish your plan for how we're gonna murder her?" LuLu asked.

"Well I decided that we'll frame Michel Johnson for it."

"Why?"

"Well he deserves to go to jail. He got away with molesting like a zillion boys."

"But what would his motive be?"

"Um…he hated her?" FiFi guessed.

"I'll think of one. You worry about how we'll frame him."

"Mmkay."

Their food arrived, and Emu and Shani ate quickly. They left a tip, then left. "Bye, Yolanda," Emulander yelled.

"Y'all come back, ya hear?" she replied.

They hopped into the truck and drove into the center of town, and then jumped out of the car to find a hotel.

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed LuLu, she fainted from fear. She had just seen the scariest thing in the world, two young girls, about twelve, wearing "I Love Holly Diff" t-shirts.

"What…AAAHHH!" Shani just saw something even scarier, a Holly Diff museum. She also fainted.

What has happened to our heroes? Will they be ok? Will they ever murder Holly Diff? You'll have to see the next chapter to find out!


	2. Hitchhiker

_Sorry I've been sort of neglecting this thing lately. Well I'll post the next one really soon after this so HERE YOU GO:_

LuLu woke up very confused. "Where am I?" she thought to herself. She looked around and quickly noticed that she was in the hospital. She touched her head and felt a slight bump on it. And looking around she also noticed that FiFi was here too.

"What happened to me?" she asked, this time, out loud.

"Y'all are in the hospital, countre peach," said a mysterious voice, "You fainted and your friend both fainted. I saw y'all and called the ambulance."

"Who are you?" asked Shani, she had just woken up.

"I'm Yolanda Nimbicle, don't y'all remember me?"

"No," they both said in unison.

"I was y'all's waiter today at the Houston Diner."

"Oh, now I remember you!" said Emu.

"Y'all better get some rest; y'all took big bumps on y'all's heads. I'll be in the other room if y'all need me."

"Thanks, Yolanda," said Shananigagger sweetly. Changing to a much angrier tone, she turned to Emulander and said, "What the hell happened?"

"Don't you remember? I saw the two girls wearing the 'I Love Holly Diff' shirts and fainted? I don't remember what happened to you, though."

"Oh, now I remember! I saw a Holly Diff museum! Really, what is happening to the world?"

"I don't know, but we must put a stop to it," said LuLu, determined.

Yolanda entered the room right then, "What are y'all talking about?"

"Nothing," said FiFi, quickly.

"I know when I'm a being lied to," said Yolanda.

"Ok, we're planning on murdering Holly Diff," admitted Emu. "But promise that you won't tell _anyone_."

"Oh, yay! I wanna help," Yolanda exclaimed. "I hate that fake slutty bitch!"

"You wanna go with us?" asked Shani.

"Ok!" said Yolanda excitedly, "We'll leave in a few hours, because your doctors said that y'all need your rest."

"Thanks Yolanda," FiFi and LuLu said in unison. Yolanda left the room, and FiFi and LuLu fell asleep shortly afterwards.

Two hours later, Emu, Shani, and Yolanda left the hospital and hit the open road. "On the road again, so happy to be, on the road again!" sang Yolanda.

"STOP THE SINGING!" shouted LuLu.

"I used to be a truck driver, you know," Yolanda told Shananigagger. "But then I retired to achieve my dream of being a truck-stop diner waitress."

"Wow…that's so…inspiring," replied FiFi.

"So kids, remember that no matter what, you can achieve your dream," Yolanda told them.

"Yeah like we are right now, by killing the Diffster," Shani said.

"HITCHHIKER! HITCHHIKER!" screamed Emulander, "STOP THE CAR! IT'S A HITCHHIKER!"

FiFi stopped the car. "You know I've always dreamed of picking up a hitchhiker," Yolanda said excitedly.

"Hi y'all my name's DeDe," said the hitchhiker.

"Hi DeDe," everyone said as if they were at an AA meeting.

"Where y'all headed?" DeDe asked.

"We're going to L.A. to kill Holly Diff," FiFi said.

"FIFI!" LuLu said angrily.

"No, it's ok. I really hate her," said DeDe. "Hey can I help?"

"Sure," said Emu.

"Ya know whut thay always say? The sun ne'r sets on a rat playin' hopscotch... nosiree." Yolanda said, profoundly.

"Wow, that was random," said Shani.

"Well I'm a random person," she replied.

"EMU! EMU! EMU! EMU!" screamed Emulander. She was very excited because she loves emus. She got her nickname from them (An emulander is an airplane flown by emus).

"Is that really a…?" asked DeDe.

Shananigagger tried to swivel the car around the emu, but it looked as if they were about to crash into it. "AHH!" they all screamed.

Will our heroes make it out of this one? Will Emulander get to see the emu? Will they _ever_ make it to L.A. to kill Holly Diff? Find out in the next chapter!


	3. Mean Guy at a Hotel

_After this there is about two (or possibly three) more chapters. Then, after that there'll be a "True Hollywood Story" about what happened and if they got away with the murder._

"Whew, that was a close one," sighed Emulander. "We almost killed that emu."

"Emu, Emu, Emu," said Shananigagger. "Always caring about emus more than humans.

"Hey lets stop at this motel for the night," said Emu. "I'm really tired."

"Fine," says FiFi, looking at her watch. 11:30 PM, they really should stop. She pulls the truck into "Billy Bob's Motel."

"I'll get a room, all of you wait here," says LuLu. She runs into the motel's office.

Emulander smiles and greets the filthy-looking guy at the front desk. "Hi, I'd like a room for one night."

"Ok, you can get the two-person room with one bed for $50 a night, the three-person room with one bed and a pull-out bed from the couch for $75 a night, or leave," he answers.

"Um…can I get the three-person room? I have four people but I suppose that would be –"

"NO! For the three-person room you must have THREE PEOPLE!" the man interrupted, "Now LEAVE!"

"But one of us could –"

"I DON'T CARE! LEAVE!"

"Fine," LuLu replied angrily. On the way out she said, "By the way you smell, take a bath."

"GO!"

Emulander walked back to the truck. "It looks like we're gonna be sleeping in the truck."

"Why?" FiFi asked.

"Um…well this hotel's too smelly and trashy."

"Oh, ok," said a very sleepy FiFi.

That night, they all slept in the truck. The next day, they will continue they journey.

LuLu's Journal, June 24, 2004

Today I devised the perfect plan for how to murder Holly Diff. FiFi decided that we'll frame Michel Johnson for the crime. His motive would be that he…uh…just hated the bitch (we're still working on the exact _reason_ for that, but I'll get back to you on that shortly). We decided that tomorrow we'll travel to Sometimesland Ranch to steal one of MJ's surgical masks and one of his gloves (for framing it on him). This'll be interesting…

LuLu woke up bright and early the next day (as usual) ready to travel to Sometimesland Ranch. "That was the worst sleep I've ever had in my life," moaned Shananigagger.

"Actually that there wasn't half-bad," said DeDe. "I reckon that once you've a slept in dumpsters and cardboard boxes, the trunk of a truck seems like sleeping on a fluffy cloud."

"Never trust a cow that tap-dances at night I always say," Yolanda said.

"Wow…that there was the most useful advice I've a eva gotten," said DeDe.

"Ok, ENOUGH!" shouted Emulander, "We've gotta go!"

FiFi started the car and drove out of the motel parking lot. "Oh, the wheels on the truck go round and round! Round and round! Round and round," sang Yolanda.

"You've one weird person," said Shani.

They drove for about five hours, and then finally arrived at the Sometimesland Ranch. It looked like Wacko Jacko was having one of his parties where he invites hundreds of little boys and girls (although he only cares about the boys) to his house to play in the theme park he has in his backyard. "Now the question is, how are we gonna get in?" asked DeDe.

"Hmmm…" pondered FiFi.

Will they get in? How will they steal the glove and surgical mask? Will EVER murder Holly Diff? Find out in the next (or the one after that) chapter of "How the Gloved One Finally Went to Jail!"


	4. Welcome to Sometimesland Ranch

_I know this part seems WAY DIFFERENT than the rest of the story. That's because this part I wrote with my friends (I really wrote the other part with them too, but we lost the paper that that part was on. So I re-wrote the other part). So this one has a lot more accents and "Newsies" references._

_NOTE: If you're a fan of Michael Jackson, you may be offended by this chapter. So if you are, don't read anymore. Don't say I didn't warn you._

Emulander, Shananigagger, Yolanda, and DeDe, all dressed up as "young children," walked through the gates of the Sometimesland Ranch. Shananigagger was wearing suspenders because as you know, that is the secret signal to get into Micael Johnson's Mansion and she's a big fan of Spot (don't ask). Yolanda was wearing a sailor suit and carrying a big lollipop. Emulander was wearing long braids and was wearing a childish "party dress." And DeDe was wearing a cape and carrying a jack-in-a-box (Cause she's weird like that). Anyways, the door opened and a clown greeted them.

"Hello kiddies!" said the clown in a scarily happy way, "I'm the door opener! Come on it!"

"Yippee skippy! This'll be a barrel-of-fun day!" said Emulander.

"That was a real knee-slapper," said Yolanda.

FiFi just looked around nervously, fiddling with her red suspenders, "I'se got annudah un settlin' feelin', fellas…" LuLu rolled her eyes.

"Ya know," Yolanda cut in, "I reckon' she's on a Newsies kick."

A strange man with long hair and a surgeon's mask on came into the room. "Welcome children of all ages to the Sometimesland Ranch, where all children are welcome under his breath especially little boys." The children cheer in the background. "Now you all can ride free in my personal theme park and I'll buy you all cotton candy." The children cheer again.

They all went to the theme park. Emulander, Shananigagger, DeDe, and Yolanda all went on the roller coaster. "Huzzah!" screamed DeDe, while on the ride.

Then they all snuck to the side of the house. "We'se gotta ride tha surgical mask an' white glove," said 'Gagger. "Look! I have a t-shirt dat says 'Spot is a hot bum!'" Everyone rolled their eyes.

As the gloved-one was busy on the tilt-a-whirl; accidentally suffocating some poor, innocent, suffering kid in purple suspenders, our heroes snuck into the OVERLY ELABORATE, ORNATE mansion.

"Ya gawds," DeDe muttered, accidentally knocking over the faux-David statue. "Oops."

As the girls frantically searched in every nook and cranny, a shadowy figure crept upon the unsuspecting –

"Dudes, wazzup?" the shadowy figure said.

"AHHHH!" they screamed.

"I'm Bobette, but the Jacko calls me Bob."

"So…ain't you a guy?" Yolanda asked.

LuLu smacked her arm. "That was most certainly too bold!"

"Dude," FiFi said, "That was a horrible English accent. Yick."

"Ya," Bob added, mopping up some Jesus Juice, "Like totally badness. 'Thumbs down.'"

DeDe and Yolanda spotted a tiny animal and began to chase it, for some stew.

"K…" said Emulander, "That was weird. Hey Bob, do you know where Wacko Jacko's room is?"

"It's in his private building. It's purple and there's whimsical music playing from it. Just go fast, because if you stand there too long you'll get hypno-"

"Okey dokey smokey. Let's go Emu," interupted Shani.

"Ok, bye dudes," Janitor Bob said, waving his mop in the air. They headed off to the building.

"Oooo…" said Emu in amazement, from the music. Then she started doing a strange little dance.

"Oh, no! She's been hypnotized by the whimsical music playing from Michel Johnson's private building!" said FiFi, "That must be how he gets the little boys in his room!" Then, she grabbed a stray Yanni and made him sing.

"AHHH!" Emu screamed, getting her out of her trance. "This music scares heebie-jeebies out of me!"

"Hey, you're lucky that I didn't get a stray scary guy with the deformed cheekbones from the Black Eyed Peas!"

"Oooo…that would've been bad."

They went inside the building. They tiptoed through the Peter Pan toys.

"Yay! It's an elevator!" screamed Shani. "Elevators are oodles and oodles of fun!" She started pushing all of the buttons, forcing them to go on every floor.

"No! FiFi, now we're going to his zoo! You now how I feel about monkeys!"

"Get over your fear. And besides, there'll probably be emus there!"

"Yippee skippy! Let's go!"

Will FiFi and LuLu _ever_ get to the right room? Will Yolanda and DeDe catch their tiny animal and make their stew? Will they _ever_ make it to L.A. to kill the Diff? Find out in the next (or the one after that) chapter!


End file.
